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Post by Sniffles on Feb 10, 2018 0:51:18 GMT
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Post by wotan on Feb 10, 2018 2:03:12 GMT
Another days dawns, hopelessly lost. Some gal who accused me of being an enwa, whatever that is, contributed a very nice skirt which has caused people to compliment me as they tell me to get stuffed. [/b] [/quote] They spell it n'wah. Means foreigner or slave.
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 10, 2018 4:21:09 GMT
Naw. I'm sure it means Enchanting Wastrel. Or maybe Excommunicated Wuss. Or Exceptionally Weird.
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 16, 2018 0:02:01 GMT
The Saga Continues... Me: "I'm not sure I want your help." Her: "Why?" Me: "Because you're batshit crazy!" Her: "Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait wait. You're the one who minced Buns McSweetcheeks from Spayed Orleans to SaltsThyme and back armed with a spoon..." Me: "In third person mode." Her: "And now have the ballsdacity to call me crazy? Anyway, you asked for my help." Me: "Did not? When?" Her: "That cave? Bandeets? Pamvire? Hello? 12 out of 10 for style, minus seventeen million for getting out alive." Me: "Sure primped up the Sneak!" Her: "Thanks to who? Hmmm??" Me: "Okay, so what's your plan?" Her: "A bow. Go buy one." .... Me: "Fluffykins. Where the hell did we find seventeen thousand and change Drachims?" Her: "Vos? Sadist Moira pimple?" Me: "Uhhh." Her: "Potions?? Load that save." Me: "Okay." Her: "Check her stats." Me: "FOUR THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED INTELLIGENCE? AHHHHG!! How?" Her: "Mix potion, drink, mix potion, drink, mix, drink, mix drink mixdrinkmixdrink... A few hundred ations of the iter. Now check this out." Me: "Whoa! Okay, hold it. Like the make over but wait one farking moment. You had Yummybits chugging a couple hundred gallons of potions in front of those leches? As in doing the wee wee watusi?" Her: "Got a pobblerem?" Me: "You're wrecking my game." To be continued...
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 16, 2018 0:33:08 GMT
... Me: "Okay, got a decent bow. I think. And arrows. So what's your plan?" Her: "Well, the next part is a trittle icky. First, take her to the whore on the rock." Me: "Way sot?" Her: "Kiss ass to daedra girl. We need her cojone." Me: "As proof of my sanity, I'm not following." Her: "The next bit requires a couple dozen grand souls." Me: "B. A. T. ... S. H. I. T. crazy." Sigh. How did she talk me into this? We who are about to die...Excuse me... Are you busy? I can come back...(And this means what to me?) (How in H did I get talked into this? ) (I'm going to go out on a limb and guess this isn't going to be a stroll in the park.) (And who in fork is Sheogorath? That's daedraspeak for 'Your ass is grass', right? And is he she it them going to hold a grudge for the next seventeen eons?) Her: "Sweetsums, your talking to yourself again." To be continued...
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 16, 2018 2:23:43 GMT
... Her: "But first, you need some feetswear. As in fleet. Prepared to die?" Me: "Plan, please. So I can tell you where to take it, we get in an argument, I lose, and regret ever asking you for help. Me: "Her, right? Why? What did she do to deserve this?" Her: "She's a turkeybutt. Trust me." Me: "I know I'm going to regret this." Me: "Natch. I'm dead." Her: "Just run!" Me: "Like what else can I do?" Her: "Turn around and shoot her now and then. Really fast." Me: "Now what?" Her: "Keep running!" Me: "In your nose, fan girl. Can I run faster if I take off the skirt?" Her: "Only if you drop it. But that guar might eat it." Me: "Oh snit!" ... Pant pant pant... One down! Me: "YEAY!!! Say WHAT? ??" Her: "You shot first." Me: "That was thirty miles away!" Her: "Then run! Your all warmed up now! Don't forget to grab her boots."
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Post by blockhead on Feb 16, 2018 3:55:52 GMT
Her: "She's a turkeybutt. Trust me."
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 19, 2018 3:25:55 GMT
Me: "Okay, now what's the plan? We got the Pimento-hide running shoes, at significant expense to my sanity and a great increase in my anxiety... Her: "Going by your demonstrated superb skill with that bow, it might be a good idea to walk around the island a couple of times, shooting rats, bats, and whatever. Get your Marksman above Abysmal. I mean, you got cold cocked about 30 times by a third rate hustler gal swinging a hatchet to get those shoes." Me: "What about you? Going to help me out here?" Her: "I'm the P&P department. Planning and Potions. You're action girl." ... Me: "So what next?" Her: "Go to that island and kick some ass of course." ... Hers? Like this? You know, I've got a really bad feeling about this.Shoot and RUN, you idiot!Keep shooting!AND RUNNING!!Well, how about little miss hot pants?AHHHG!!! IT'S NOT WORKING!!!ARRRRGGGG!!!Hi! I need some more arrows. About twenty dozen. And a wheel barrow to haul them. AHHHG ARRRG! Let's try this guy! YEEARRRRRRGH!!!
RUN! Oh... Hi! Another five hundred pounds of arrows please.NNRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!Hi, I need some more arrows. And a better bow. Got anything in the way of a 150 lb carbon fiber-glass compound? Oh yes, magicky arrows. Like with Paralyze Monster for five minutes? Or some high-explosive fire poison slow charm electrofry goobers? AHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! Don't kill him!! We need to soul trap him later! Uhhh, never mind.Read my lips. N O T ... W O R K I N G. Plan B, please.
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Post by amgepo on Feb 19, 2018 6:11:44 GMT
Well, the B plan could be making the targetting practice in a place that is not an hellish isle full of daedra. Using the terrain to your advantage in the most cheap ways you imagine is another idea, but exploiting the game poor terrain related AI is cheating.
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 19, 2018 9:52:03 GMT
And making a dash into the Ghost Sea with 5 daedra on your butt only to get eaten by a slaughterfish is good sportsmanship!
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Post by blockhead on Feb 19, 2018 13:51:39 GMT
Maybe try the mudcrabs and rats near Seyda Neen? p.s. Just don't go in the bandit cave north-east of town for a while.
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 20, 2018 2:24:40 GMT
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Post by blockhead on Feb 20, 2018 3:41:01 GMT
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 21, 2018 1:19:45 GMT
And on to plan B. Do the main quest. AKA Vivec (the city) sucks. AKA The main quest gets reamed as bad as our heroine. All went swimmingly until I had to go visit Camp Sneeze. An Urshilaku is what you notice in the tissue... EEEEYUCK! It didn't take me long to size these folks up... "EYES. Up here dude." "Let me get this straight. You want me to prove myself with paying my respects to your ancestors by desecrating their tomb?" "Uhhh, yeay." "Hi girl. I'm the Nevereamed. Your Trashkan is bananas, by the way. So the plan is?" "Figures. The door's stuck." "Eyes. Up! Consider your ancestors thoroughly abused. Now excuse me. I've got to go get rid of this disease." "Nice boobs!" "Nice beer belly." "Okay home boy. We're good now, right?"
"Okay. Ring was no problem. Big Stone Lady already got her rocks off... gave me her rock. Gots the ring. Gots your blessings. So how bouts you clue me?" "Right. To sum up, Jagar Thar... no wait, let me update, Dragoth Urp was my former incarnation's chummy. He gave me the shaft. Along cums Stiptic, Llamasexia, and Soda Spills. Double shaft. They are all anal orifices. Now I get a reincarnation triple whammy and have to do all these clowns the big dirt number? Why me, John Big Booty?" "That's for the disease, horse face. Thanks for the hardware. Now if you all will excuse me, I need to go kill somebodies even uglier than you."
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Post by Sniffles on Feb 21, 2018 1:46:04 GMT
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